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Finding the REAL You After Becoming a Wife & Mom

“I’m tired.  On a scale of 1-10, I’m somewhere around a 49392.  I go through the motions every day, but lack fulfillment.  I’ve got a great life from the perspective of those looking in, yet I don’t see it.  More importantly, I don’t feel it.  On Monday, I wish the entire week away because I want it to be Friday.  Friday means I’ve got the whole weekend to be with my family.  But Sunday night comes along and I feel the blackness settling in.  Again.  Just like last Sunday, and the week before, and the week before.  I can’t even remember when I didn’t feel like this.  How did this happen?  Who have I become?  Is this what I chose?  I don’t remember signing up for this.”

 

Have you had those thoughts and feelings?  They aren’t fun.  That was an accurate description of my life for many years.  Too many years.  How does one even begin to wishing their life away?  It seems there are a lot of triggers and not just one specific incident.  The cold, hard truth of it all seems to land in the area of resentment. 

I love my husband and being a wife.  I love my children and being a mom.  I used to be an individual and have my own thoughts, feelings, and beliefs.  Yet, where was I?  Who was I?  When did “I” cease to exist? 

 

That’s the path I’m on now.  I’m learning how to find myself again…the “me” before I was enveloped with making the best decisions for “us” and concerned about EVERYTHING in the world of the kids.  Legit, this is hard.  I sacrificed “me” because I believed that’s what a good wife does and that’s what a good mom does.  That’s all I ever wanted.  I just wanted to be a good wife and a good mom.

 

Taking time for me in all of those duties had me feeling guilty.  Yet, it led to such resentment.  I didn’t speak up when I was sad, lonely, anxious, scared.  I was a wife and mom and had to “act accordingly”.  What bullshit.  I was loved no matter what, yet my biggest fear was having nothing left for me once I was done with everyone else.  I allowed my biggest fear to become my reality.

 

At no point through my marriage or parenting has anyone ever said that I had to lose my individuality to be loved, respected, and trusted.  So why was I putting this extra pressure on myself?  What gremlin was I allowing to control my thoughts, actions, and emotions under this false pretense of being a good mom/wife?  I lacked self-acceptance.  Hell, I even lacked knowledge of self!!  I didn’t know who I was anymore.

 

Here’s how to find yourself again and no matter where you’ve been or what you’ve done, these steps can work for you too.

 

  1. Recognize that you cannot change the past. You can only go forward from here.  You don’t need to carry any guilt with you.  Drop it like it’s hot and move along.  If you did wrong, ask for forgiveness, apologize, journal about it…just let it out.  The release of this alone is life-changing.
  2. Realize that you are not alone. Not many people talk openly about all this, but I can assure you that you are not the only one experiencing a tough time.  The tribe may be quiet, but it’s a VERY large tribe.
  3. Think about WHY you want to make changes. Are you sick of every day being disappointing? Are you just so done with being tired all the time?  Does it feel like there should be more to your life than where you are right now?
  4. If you are scared at this point to go any further, that’s great. That’s completely normal because you are entering something that is unknown or unfamiliar.  This is where you must keep going!  Try some positive affirmations.  “I enjoy new adventures.” “I am excited to try something new and see what happens.”
  5. Time for some BIG questions to get you going. If you had all the money in the world, how would you spend your time? What would your perfect day look like? What activities set your soul on fire?  What do you love to do?
  6. Now it’s time for even more questions! I hope you are writing all this out because it’s great to reference back to it or add to it!   What brought you immense joy as a kid?  What were you doing when you lost track of time? What did your parents have to drag you away from?  What did you love deep down before the world told you to get practical?
  7. Now it’s time to put all this research together to see if you can recognize a common theme. If you could just read books all day and be happy, realize you read tons of books as a kid and often lost track of time, yet recognize that you haven’t made time to read a book for 15 years, fit that into your day somewhere.  Yes, something else is going to have to give up its space, but essentially what is currently taking up all your space isn’t fulfilling you.  Time to make a shift.

 

Download my free guide “5 Books You Need to Read to Improve Your Life Right Away”. Get started with these books and enjoy the transformation process.

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